Sugar Fast Day 25
This morning I find myself not. only recognizing what God is doing amidst this sugar fast, but what He has brought me through these last 14 years. Jesus has been calling me since the day I was born. Today I thought it would be fun to share my salvation story today.
On March 7, 2009 I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. The journey leading up to that day took me 44 1/2 years. Here is my story.
When I was growing up I didn’t go to church. I remember being there once. It was uncomfortable. In seventh grade kids were always talking about having to go to church on Sunday morning. I remember feeling shame in the fact that I didn’t and so I covered my shame with laughter and agreement that going to church was a drag.
I don’t remember thinking much about church or God in high school. The friends I hung out with didn’t go, except maybe on Christmas Eve and Easter. I just don’t remember thinking anything about it. It certainly wasn’t anything any of my friends talked about.
College Years
In college I took an intro to religion class out of curiosity. It was an overview of the history of religion and denominations. It was interesting, but kind of dry at the same time. Despite this, I decided to take some more classes. I was drawn to the Eastern religion classes. They were fascinating and I began to carve out a view of myself and my place in the world. My ever-growing fascination led me to pursue a B.A. in religious studies.
For me religion was a “dirty word”. Organized religion, and specifically Christianity, was all about “our way or the highway”. I remember not wanting anything to do with that kind of thought. It was very restrictive. As I studied, the thoughts and beliefs I was learning about seemed more encompassing, more inclusive. But looking back it really was “I” centered, not God centered. It was about us being a part of God, a higher power that we all possessed. It was just a matter of tapping into that higher power for inner wisdom and enlightenment.
From the West to the East
As a result of my college studies, I gravitated towards concepts and thoughts from a variety of religions and I molded them into something that worked for me—or so I thought. I believed we were all a part of God. God was this essence in the universe that we all belong to. When we decide to incarnate into human form we break away from this God essence and come to earth to learn lessons we need to learn for spiritual growth. One day I was trying to explain this world view to my writing partner, Chuck Rowe. He likened it to a ball of mercury from which we broke off and will return to after we die. My entire view of God becAme known as the Big Mercury Ball in the Sky.
According to my view, we are all part of that ball, but we have forgotten this as we became human beings. Enlightenment is about remembering and reconnecting with our higher selves (our God selves) and living the best lives we can. I believed in past lives, that we as souls have lived many lives and will continue to live many more depending upon the lessons we are to be learning. We choose to reincarnate to learn the lessons we need to in order to reach our enlightened selves. I believed that everyone, no matter the religion they followed was on the same path towards enlightenment…we may view or call God different things, but God was the same for everyone.
Jesus Calling
Then in the winter of 2008-2009 Chuck wanted me to expand on my beliefs. As I began to further share my belief system I found it difficult to do. I started to realize how many different beliefs I really had. Sometimes the words that came out of my mouth seemed to contradict themselves. During one conversation, Chuck shared the story of his wife’s salvation. He talked about an intimate relationship with God that she realized she didn’t have herself, although she had been raised in church, and the pain she experienced at this realization. I, too, felt that pain at such a deep and unexplainable level.
Despite an attempt to bring all my own beliefs into one working system, I realized they never really did work. While there were times when I would feel “connected” to my higher self, it didn’t last long. I believed that success in my life was about tapping that higher self and soaring to greatness, but I constantly struggled to do it. That night, as I listened to Chuck talk about having a personal relationship with God, I suddenly realized that I didn’t have this relationship either. Feelings of pain and sadness began to overwhelm me and tears filling my eyes. I had no idea why, but I felt pure anguish.
In the days that followed Chuck and I continued to talk about God and Christianity. He started with some foundational Christian beliefs:
Foundational Truths
There is only one true God
Deuteronomy 6:4-5 “Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. 5 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.
Jesus was God in human form
John 1:1-3,14 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made…14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.There was only one true God.
All human beings are all sinners
Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
And then Chuck shared the Gospel with me, the Good News that Jesus had come to Earth as a man in order to reconcile us to God and cleanse us of our sins by dying on the cross in our place.
Romans 5:17-18 For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ. 18 Yes, Adam’s one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and new life for everyone.
He then asked me if I wanted God to come into my life and cleanse me, but something inside me would NOT let me do it.
I struggled for weeks with this. I fell further and further into pain and anguish and while I really was starting to believe that I could not get myself out of this mess, that God was the only one who could help me, something inside me still could not let go. I had spent so many years with a thick wall up towards Christianity; nothing was going to penetrate it.
In the Middle of a Parking Lot
Then, March 7, 2009 in a Longhorn Steakhouse parking lot I broke down. I could still feel that wall and the inner struggle between my own will NOT to ask God for help and the part of me that desperately needed Him and knew it. My desperate need won out and I prayed…accepting Jesus Christ as my Savior and asking God’s spirit, The Holy Spirit, to come into me and into my life and save me from my sins. When I was done I still felt unworthy that I had not “done it right”. Yet the next day, somehow the world seemed just a bit bigger and a bit brighter.
Since that night in that parking lot my journey with God has been peaks and valleys. I am, after all, still human and I have human struggles just like everybody else. Yet I am not walking through this journey alone. God, my creator, is with me and will never leave nor forsake me.
Hebrews 13:5b “For he has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Jesus is calling us all to come into relationship with Him.
John 3:16-17 “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.
Jesus is calling. Jesus is calling. How will you respond?